I once heard the quote "you're not really a woman until your mother says that you can be, or she's no longer here."  I really didn't give it a second thought, it was ludicrous....until I lost my own mother in 2005.  I never realized just how much I still depended on her even though I was a "grown up."  Suddenly, my biggest fan/critic was gone, and I was officially lost!!

I'd had plenty time to process the ramifications, she'd been sick for over a year, yet I cough it up to self preservation...somewhere your brain just can't bare to go beforehand.  It's still a shock, still the biggest heartache I've ever lived through.  She'd be proud of my creative side...I don't doubt that, but I can't help but smile thinking that the next comment out of her mouth would've been "but you really need to get a real job Tania!"

Goodness, I miss her!!  Some days that brings tears to me eyes, and others bring a memory that makes me smile.  I still hear her voice (usually when I've done something insanely asinine...so almost daily) and I'm grateful for that...but it doesn't make the ache go away.

Today would have been her 65th birthday...and yes, I would of razzed her endlessly for being a senior citizen!

Happy Birthday Momma!!! 

Back in the day....

The last picture I have of my Mom & myself.  My wedding day 2004...exactly a year to the day before she passed away. 

If Roses Grow In Heaven

If Roses grow in Heaven, Lord,
please pick a bunch for me (yellow please),
Place them in my Mother's arms
and tell her they're from me.

Tell her, I love her and I miss her,
and when she turns to smile,
place a kiss upon her cheek
and hold her for awhile.

Remembering her is easy,
I do it every day,
but there's an ache within my heart
that will never go away.